Life's Madness

Reality has just set in! I have battled depression for the past twenty years, did not know that it was what it was at the time, and struggled through it at the time. I had, and have many more ways to die than you can imagine, tried some and still think about it at times, but I am here.
Never really discussed this with anyone, cos it would have either been trivialised or thought of as the way of life where I grew, but someone pushed the narrative to the point where the rest followed and realised it was a real problem and now, we talk about it, try to help people out of it.
I appreciate the publicity and the drive to 'save' people from this; I know that those who proceed till the end are considered weak, and I know that they are not!
I appreciate that we believe we are not all equal, or that we process and respond to our trials the same way, it is a start; however the part before the "but" nullify the thought before [we know the power of the BUT].
I have seen and see the power of influencers, why they seem to be relevant, how corporations go after influencers with the sale mentality, but this is wrong.
In spite of all I have written, this is the first time I have had to shed tears while doing this. You can tell I have become slack.
I just went through the mini series " When they see us".
I smoked a stick after watching the first episode, another after the second episode, but intermittently held my breadth in the third and forth episode. I was pissed mid way into the first episode like most (if not all) people were.
A friend ( friend) guaranteed me I would cry by the 4th episode. You should see me; buff *laughs*
But I am genuinely pissed, more angry and disgusted though ( cos I feel powerless).
I have seen this play out in recent times, how a so called influencer pushes a narrative and the people follow. It has become wrong to not conform, a crime to be different. This is what kills me. How can you recognise my difference and in the same breathe, condem me for it. This is madness which unfortunately seems not be be going nowhere anytime soon.
Why do I expect that the majority would hold the 'few privileged' accountable? Why do I think the people, in this times, employ their brains?
Thinking about it now; mine is the real madness!