Dead

Once again, I died, knowing that I cannot actually. I have movement now, slowly but surely. The loss is painful, the process more, the acceptance is even worse. I have lowered my BP, not slept yet, but apparently,  sounding better. I can look at screens, make coherent statements and that gives me hope. This madness ends this time, this devil dies this week. I now know your name and your form. Watch me watch you. I understand we all go through it. My form will stick, my freedom is guaranteed  now. 

Loss or Discovery

 I feel sad, struggled to get out of bed today, finally pulled out, realizing I might have lost it all. Why I have relied on a human being irritates me, why I get them worried is worse; It is finally clear to me why monks are better at living and why we should all be. I do not type this to make a claim, but to acknowledge my need to monkinize; I am not sure that is a word, but I use it. For the first time, I walked out as a dead man, came back feeling like Van Dan. I am not trying this again. I have not slept in 2 days now, I have used all the meds given, thankfully (not sure), my blood pressure is lower than normal. I have heard of low BP, this one, my heart literally stops. I can write now, cause I just walked. Walk! Doing this hurts, They say, get people around, I have people making noise based on this advice. They are irritating me. I have  tried this, I know this is temp, I hate to admit it. This is my last, I will wait till I can get to terms with this. Unfortunately, I have gotten the message, I have lost 2 things I cherish in less than a month. Maybe this is where the rebuild begins. If you ever see this, I am now finally at peace; If you don't I am finding peace.; possibly found it I am STRONG AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE. HATE IT, I don't. I am just surprised at how much I can take in; and this is nothing

My Sons

This entry is short and straight to the point. 

My conversation with my son 13th July 2024, was br8ef but left a mark on me. 

First off, he asks me how I am doing, and ended the call with " I love you". 

These is my part, and he took it before I could play it. He sounded so confident and nature. I really miss him. I haven't seen both my kids since 2022. I honestly don't know that I will see them again, and what I would do if I get to see them.

I love you Chiedozie Zephan Egbuna and Tobechukwu Zane Egbuna 

My Boss

I know that I am a man of few words, I don't know why except that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say, and just listen and learn.

However, I was recently told, after 16 years, that my silence came across as intelligence. This is the one time I would have love to do a video, to express this and I see words fail me. 

16 years after! Something about you by D'bang is playing in my head; side by side with "If I rule the world " by NAS.

I dey confused.

It's not ending here o. I will play this game and have fun while I play. FUCK ALL OF YOU

My Sons

This entry is short and straight to the point. 

My conversation with my son 13th July 2024, was br8ef but left a mark on me. 

First off, he asks me how I am doing, and ended the call with " I love you". 

These is my part, and he took it before I could play it. He sounded so confident and nature. I really miss him. I haven't seen both my kids since 2022. I honestly don't know that I will see them again, and what I would do if I get to see them.

I love you Chiedozie Zephan Egbuna and Tobechukwu Zane Egbuna 

My Fingers

I finally found my fingers. This will always remain my safe space. I would have said space.but I know better...old peeps, miles, family...lol....