Tale of a Mad (Wise) Black Man - PART 2

Two months after I wrote the first part of this piece, I still have not come to a conclusion, but reading it again and accessing myself, I know I am stronger and more confident; some sentences and thoughts in the first part of this piece, shows how crazy and sane I can be.
I have had issues with my wife from three months into my marriage, I still maintain it was for no fault of mine. She threw me to the floor, lawned me, made me feel not just less of a man, but less of a human; gave me what I thought was water, then lit me. I write fervently now because this might just be the only way to tell my side of the story and save face with my sons.
I was a good husband and father, I not only think so, I know so and so did other people. I never claimed or have said I was perfect, I say I was a GOOD husband and father. I grew up believeing and knowing the partnership of marriage, one where a wife LONGS to support the husband, while the husband strives to do all that is necessary for the family. What I signed up for,  was far from what I knew. I have my part to play in this mistake:
1) I was madly in love with the woman I married, even when I really did not know her, I can be like that, working with the heart and not the head atimes.
2) I got her pregnant and MAYBE felt the need to be responsible about my actions, afterall, I really did love her.
3) She told me repeatedly she was always scared of marriage as she did not think she could stay with a man as man and wife, but I sought to convince her. Apparently she knew what she was saying, she told me the truth that time, and I did not listen.
These were the errors I made that made me at some point contemplate suicide as I felt low and that my wife and family would really be better without me. I don't feel that way anymore. I now feel pain, anger and what I think is hatred; I have never felt the third before, so really don't know if that is what it is, but I know I feel something new and strange, and it's not a good feeling.
My wife says I have pride, thinking about it now, I would not deny it, cos every human and even the animals have pride, but the extent of my pride and what I am proud about, is what I do not agree with; and I am glad I am not the only one who believes so. She says my pride will go before my destruction, my pride is what has gotten us here; but I put 80 percent of what has happened in my family on her and 20 percent on me. On the other hand I could flip it around. Flip it because if I did my part and ground work, I would not have been in this mess in the first place, so yes, maybe it's all on me. I now know she played me, but when I think to what end, anger builds up.
My marriage is at the bridge, probably ended already (we still live together, like roommates though), but we know so. Not because what we face is new to any marriage, we just can't seem to make it work, not with all the lies, deceit and insincerity floating in the air. But we have two sons, who I love to death and for their sake, I'll work this marriage, even if it cripples me. If this ends the way I think it would, I fear my sons will hate me, not for what I did or did not do, but based on the lies about me they would be fed with, and that would kill me faster than a silver bullet. This (that they know the truth about me) seems to be my new mission and I cannot influence much at this stage of their lives; so I turn to the giver of wisdom; to preserve their minds and the memory they have about me now, till they are matured enough to make sense of life for themselves.
She played, lied and deceived me from the beginning, and turned around telling people I made her so, in three months? How is that even possible? How do you agree to marry someone you do not trust and say they caused it? Someone you never trusted or loved and say they caused it? She did so, and started digging immediately she got into my house and had full access to my life to justify her claims. I had to let go of my female friends for her, while she kept her ex - boyfriend,  who by the way she calls her best friend. I think it dawned on me when she started making same moves for my buddies, my brothers; but it was way too late already; I was locked in and the bad guy already. Stories of my coming in late had reached her folks (my job at the time required I stayed out Wednesday through Friday, and she was aware, she knew the job). Really that was it! Oh yea, and I do not satify her sexually or spend time at home weekends.
A bit of a background; when we first me (I hate to call it dating), she always pretended to have orgasm when we have sex, she only told me this when we got married, I have my pride. I always use to stay home weekdays and weekends and play video game with my brothers, until she came in and wanted the house to her self, so I moved the game to my brothers',  a few blocks from my house, and played there. As far as I know it, these were my crimes. Later it moved to me not being responsible, not providing enough for my family; and in the usual fashion, the stories were out before they could be discussed. My friends, parents, siblings, colleagues and even strangers mavel and cannot believe I earn what I say I earn and still be able to give 37.5 percent (I just did the math, shit!) of my monthly income to my wife for the house upkeep and she still says I don't give enough financially to the house. I have no savings. Funny thing is I told her the big plan, thinking she would work with me to achieve it. I am tired and this piece may never end. I rest for now.