MAD - The Story

I am going to tell a story. I can't say if it is personal, true or fiction; but I have chosen to do this series for as long as I can.
Let me first put things in perspective. He had spent 45% of his life as of 2017 (this is according to the biblical definition of how long humans are expected to live). He has seen things, experienced quite a few, and have had series of confusing, doubtful moments. By the standards of the society and I dare say, the times he lives in, he is young. He does not doubt that, but this does not invalidate what he has  seen or experienced.
Early in life, he decided his path (or so he thought). He was going to run the show, do things the way he wanted; it was a subconscious move, not like he knew what he was doing, he said he just had a strong feeling that he had been through this (life) before, and was given a second chance to right his wrongs from the first episode. He felt he submitted himself to the divine will, let the universe take charge of his life, he said he was determined to put in his best, and really let go of the rest. Yet he felt the urge, need to be ambitious, determined, and was very aware of all the blessings he had received, as well as his physical attributes; but purpose kept eluding him. Why? If he had been through this before, why is this, "the main reason for his return remains unclear", he says.
He resorted to the things he saw in the environment, perhaps the answer would come through, but no. He slept with dream, but "she always left him before he could awake and become conscious of their meeting and conversation" he says. That killed him all the more. So he went to the source again, "why am I here" he asked. Silence was the answer he got, so loud that his hearing was greatly affected.
So he began to think, go back to the very start, he just might have missed out something. Then it crossed his mind to ask Him if He felt he escaped, slipped out to the second episode without approval? Did he get here himself? If he did, there still has to be a reason (purpose), why then is this difficult, why is it that he still does not know? This has been the mental journey, and almost half way through the second episode, the confusion is still on. Now he is apprehensive, getting a bit uneasy, will there be a third trial? He tells me he does not wish that, but has come to the understanding that the purpose must be complete before the rest begins. Then it hit him. If he did slip out on his own, then he must go back with an excellent report, else he would be fucked. "What if He doesn't want me no more, am I dammed here? God forbid it" he says; "I know home, I have tasted it, it is implanted in my subconscious, it's the place I go to when dream comes to be, we walk the road to home, but she lets me off just before I see what the road looks like. I will press on, really, what other option do I have. Stay here I lose, if the job is not done; go home without a complete report and I still lose. There is the dilemma and where the journey starts."
He acknowledges he has made his fair share of wrong choices, many might have self corrected themselves; until he did something he probably was not ready for at the time, "I took in an inferior" he cries out. This was not to help, but at the time, he was blind to the fact. He really needed someone stronger, or at the very least, an equal. The only one he knew at the time was the Creator; but since "I felt like He had let me go, I thought it my duty to get one for myself" he tells. Little did he know that there was none on this plain, but by the time he realised this, he was neck deep already. Living by the rules of the king of this plain, eating of their foods and involving in the activities that gave them "joy" and pleasure.
The lesser one however saw someone stronger, near to their god in him and made all moves to be united, and united they became. "This being, empty in the things of my world, yet in need of the wisdom and knowledge of my kind, chose to get me to conform to their way" he says. All this while, he and his creator remained distant, in fact, the gap grew only wider. "I would think of Him and would swear I heard Him whisper something to me, but was never sure."
It was unclear to him at the time why humans felt the need to win, why was there so much competition with others? Made no sense to him, but he came to realise that this fuels them. Some of the ones he met who did not believe in this sought of competition said they also could not understand it, they say "they would never get into it, but why?" This is their world, what they do, why would they chose not to? Then it occurred to him; "they are from my world, but have been here longer than I have, maybe many more times than myself" he reveals, "so they have lost most of their true essence." Is his purpose then to lead them back? Would that please his maker and perhaps get him pardon and acceptance again?

Is he Back?

I have been laughing all week, very strange, giving my current situation (not that I am not grateful), but in the last two years, there is hardly anything that has made me genuinely laugh this much; now I find myself doing it this week. I have to be very honest and positive, things are looking up, for someone who struggles to see true good in life, I am somewhat scared, and trust me, a lot of the people I work around are scared to their bones. In fact they have been pointing fingers, thinking I am about to bolt.
Honestly, I have been seriously and actively looking to.
I am a believer that I am never in a position because someone or some spirit put me in it; I am quick to give the Almighty the credit for wherever I find myself, however I blame myself when I am in a position that (by my judgement) is wrong for me.
Is there really any wrong position?
I am a believer in the unseen forces of the universe, but I believe that it is only the Almighty, the Good Lord, that has the power to shape and move things; and that even when "bad" things happen, He must have given His approval. Yea I know what you may be thinking, "but that is against His nature", well not really. I don't want to go philosophical now, I just want to write, just write.

PART 2:
Months after the first part of this, I started indulging myself again in philosophy, and boy, I sure did miss it. It sort of defines my thoughts, and with all that is happening now, the timing couldn't be any better. Sitting outside, I hear a preacher (it's 22:02 hrs by the way) preaching about heaven and how "religion cannot take you to heaven, but only Jesus can". Naturally I would be enraged, giving the time, the city I live in and the need to rest, but today, I let it slide. I am becoming calmer, not like I wasn't before, but the situation has changed again. At this rate I fear true happiness may continue to elude me. I have just come to the realisation that all the things I did, that I felt were the right things, were considered my faults. I have now moved the pendulum to the opposite side and stuck a brick in front of it, to stop it from swinging. I will wait this one out. If anything, my past seems to have prepared me for this, I am indeed patiently waiting to see the end. Now I deliberately and consciously do the opposite, act the fool and see how this goes. Sometimes we need to act the fool, it may be difficult, not the popular thing to do, but it sure does reveal the fool. It's almost like you hand over the hangman's noose to him and watch him play with it, then use it. If a head pops, that's a price, if the pleading for help precedes it, even better. I prefer the second scenario in this case, and I watch.

Tale of a Mad Man - Part 1

Tale of a Mad (Wise) Black Man - PART 1 http://edozie-wateroflife.blogspot.com/2015/12/tale-of-mad-wise-black-man-part-1.html

What have we done?

We all start off knowing nothing (speaking of the times I was born into), then we start to pick up things from our immediate environment. We were taught to be conservative, be content with what you have; by no means, aspire, but in your aspiring, be cautious! Thinking about it now, I guess the idea was to promote steady pace, hard work and to get us to relish success when it happens. Perhaps, it was also a way to preach: head work + patience= success. But all that has changed, and I wonder if it is for the good or bad.
The folks who grew up in my times (most of us to whom this applied to of course ), followed this rule. A good number of us fall under the emerging [disappearing] class today. So what we did, was up the ante up a notch.
We now have kids, who obviously are smarter than we are ( they say its the computer age, but I know we mostly did not select our children from the computer). A good number of people say its the proliferation of content that our children have been exposed to, even while in the womb, and the workings of the brain, that have made them this smart; that the brain is a sponge. So I ask, is there every a time in one's life when the spongy characteristics of the brain ceases? Are we really the ones imbibing or better still, feeding our children with this content that have made them smarter than we are? Are our children really smarter than we are or have we just gone dumb?
My folks, till this day, would never admit that I or any of my siblings are smarter than they are; and I know they serve better advice than I do now. So where, when and how did things change?
We were said to be rash, unsteady[mostly], and that we were prone to lots of errors. So how did our younger ones escape this "disease" we have?
Indeed we are analytical, but mostly not deep; quick, yet not able to manage speed; blessed with better opportunities, yet careless; informed, yet stupid. And we agree that our children, who we breed, are better than we are.
We hustle to make life better for the ones after us, that they may be better educated (by our kinds), believe they are, but we have no education ourselves.
This makes no sense to me.
What have we done?

Never a Better Time

There are times when we feel it's the right time! We have tired on several occasions as humans to describe how that feels, but to no avail. Frankly i just want to say it's never a better time to say I'm sorry Lord, thank you for the many blessings, for whooping my behind, the trials, the lessons, the pain, the joy, the many state of confusion I have been in, currently in, and world be in. But in truth, there has never been a better time to say thank you, I trust you, I surrender to you, I adore you, I am blessed!