When death comes

It all started 27th June 2021, when I reached to my close friend, turned brother, mentioning to him that I felt a certain burden and could not shoulder it on my own anymore. The back story to that was that I had just been appointed General Manager of the TeaCo (Ekaterra), and this had come in spite of the emotional challenges and the mental health challenges I had been battling at the time. I had resulted to smoking, alcohol, with little or no food. Constantly feeling weak and secluded in my abode, which I seemed no longer to be excited about, I did what I thank God I still know how to do, no matter how terrible the situation might be; reach out for help! So I called and was invited!

My first week didn't seem like much of a change, as I managed to continue with the smoking and alcohol, mostly after work, sometimes while at it. Friday 2nd July 2021 was the peak, the demons had come out. We went out for a drink, had a heated argument and I left, back to my place. I had accused him of not paying attention to me in spite of the challenges he knew I was goi g through, but he did not get it. By Saturday, 3rd July, he had called and I ignored. Sunday 4th, he showed up at my place to pick me physically. We agreed that day that I was to quit smoking and cut down on the alcohol.

The decision quickly became one of the best I had made this year. We agreed it would be difficult, but he had done same as well years ago and felt I could as well. I quickly got into the one way I know how to manage things like these (gospel music). Worked like magic. Did not take long to forget about alcohol and cigarette and started focusing more at work. Output amazed me and I knew I was on the right path. By the 9th of July, I decided to go see my kids at school. Normally I would pray for them before I leave, this time around, I asked that they pray for me. My first son, Zephan, immediately laid his hand on my head and said "You will not die, accident will not see you, you are blessed, in Jesus name" to which I responded AMEN. He told me Tobe could not pray, so I let him pass. Not long after I left, I thought to go get my bumber fixed (as it had been pulling out), from there, I decided to have my tire checked (since it had been getting deflated quite often). I was told my tires were in terrible state and should be changed immediately. My glasses had gotten my vision a bit blurred.

By Saturday 10th, we had gone for a wedding and I had a blast, had an after party and erupted again, then worked out. Sunday 11th July 2021, I had packed my things, gone to see mum and decided to go see a new friend. She asked if I had been drinking and I said no. She told that I looked really tired. Asked her to have a taste of my drink, it was coca cola. Long story short, I got into the car, headed to my friends place and had an accident that could have easily killed me. 

I have chronicled this to set the record straight. I brought myself out to my friends place cos I knew I needed help and would get it here. I am often misunderstood and judged by people who should know me, but clearly don't. For what it's worth, I will stay here till I get better, then set a plan while here on how to live at my place and not backside. This is my new reality, but I will not take it anymore.

My motivation is different now, in time, all these will go out.